Where to begin, It can seem like besides learning from Youtube videos and books, when going through emotional upheaval sometimes reverting to these in that moment where you have a flashback moment is not at the top of your thoughts. Well hopefully while reading this, you will have a opportunity to think what do I need to do such as skills I need to learn when these emotions take over.
How to start when I haven't even found closure or had time for my emotions?
Honest Approach..... Take time to face your feelings, we are often told to face these emotions over a set period and then forget and move on, by maybe friends or family or even co workers. However, when facing these feelings head on and loosing yourself in just the feelings, you allow yourself to walk into the first step of recovery. I mean what's worse the emotion being avoided by being built up, or worse be repressed as though they are not even there.
Many people don’t have a healthy relationship with their emotions. And more often than not, they choose to repress negative emotions— they don’t know how to relate to them or what to do with them. We need to understand that everyone deals with their emotions differently.
But if we don't face these what are the affects?
Subconsciously if you have been told or have learnt over a period of time being in a abusive relationship, you learn to avoid them or push the discomfort away. But even when we do, it always stays. Hiding emotions is something we all do very often, from within the home.
Yet, we silence the pain and bottle up our anxiety, fear, and anger. This in turn lead to allot of internalised self doubt and strain on ones confidence, and health.
Grieving the Loss of Who You Were
To better manage your emotions, move with them. Instead of hiding your emotions, accept that negative emotions are a natural part of our experience, and be more open and curious to work with them. It’s a better approach to feel better.
The more vulnerable you are — both with yourself and others — the better. Researchers call this the “beautiful mess effect” — other people view our vulnerability more positively than we do. Sharing your feelings may seem like a weakness to you, to others it seems courageous and builds trust and connection.
But don't focus on the outside emotions of others, focus on the journey you went through, and the person that went through them, you have to learn to take yourself outside of yourself and observe the pain and grieve the loss as though it wasn't you.
Remember it hurts now, but you cant consistently look into the past, lets use this example:
If this was a wound would you keep pealing away at the scab, until it bleeds and bleeds. Would you keep complaining that its bleeding knowing you know what to do to heal that wound?
Understanding, you need time to accept the wound, see that's its present, take time to heal it and wait for it to be healed. Your emotions are the same, your confidence will not just magically come over night, but there are emotional things that you can do to improve on this daily.
While reading this I would like you to try this small exercise:
This is a exercise that I encourage clients to do within my recovery abuse program, but bare with me a minute...... just to see if this can work for you.
Imagine something was said and done to you, that you cannot change- well I'm sure your thinking that's why I'm here> reading this blog right. Hold on, its coming.
Imagine all the things inflicted was from a mentality than you did not feed. This energy(Person) drained you continuously. They handed you their wound.
Now imagine, the treatment for this wound is you understanding that this wound is to your wounds but the persons wound transferred onto you, by someone weaker than you are, this person doesn't value what you bring to the table, they don't want substance they don't want the benefits of being with you all they want to do is transfer the pain they have onto you.
The only power that you feed this energy, seems more powerful than you, is the same as you picking away at the scab, the more you pick away - or think about it the more it hurts you.
Now, imagine if you could give that back, How? You might ask?
By dealing with the wound, identifying where the wound has come from. They call emotional transference, you absorb this when grieving.
You are allowed to grieve, scream, be angry allow the study of memory grieving for a short period of time. Many people often do not understand why healing is so important. To make it simple, what you are carrying around with you creates your happiness, the life you have and the relationships you attract.
If you do not know where your wounds are, then you will forever let them influence your life. Your wounds will pick your partner, choose what career you go after and effect all areas of your life.
The first step is becoming aware of your wounds, the second step is understanding how they show up in your everyday life. The last step is being aware of all of this and instead of doing what you have always done and doing something different.
In order to do something different you will need to work on yourself. This is where you will support, motivate, validation, soothe and be aware of the stories you have created that have caused you to go in a certain direction. By doing this process you are pushing yourself into a new and healthy direction.
But Remember to ask yourself, this. If found the wound, I know how it was inflicted, I know how to heal it, Will I chose to heal it or let in continue to Bleed?
If you choose to sabotage your first steps by not doing the following
Face the Energy - Understand the Pain - Release the Toxic Past on replay
Because when you really love yourself you will not stay stuck in this never ending cycle of not anting to heal and grieving for to long where you stay on a hamster wheel, never coming off and giving yourself time to move forward. If you don't do this, eventually you will remained chained to the past.
IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO I WOULD RECOMMENT:
SET YOURSELF FREE
