A jealous family member is never amazed at your achievements. They try to overlap your accomplishments with their own. They will either try to outdo you, on down play your achievements. They will either criticize your journey, remind you of your flaws or worst pick unnecessary fights.
Not all family members have the ability to be supportive, and proud of you. Here are identifiable signs to look out for.
1. They criticize you in a direct and indirect manner:
For me constructive criticism even though sometimes not asked for, I feel should always be welcomed as it gives us time to learn and grow and improve. But for family members who are jealous even toxic not necessarily narcissistic. Can become jealous if you are working towards improving your life, or put you down to make your feel that you have too many flaws.
Their criticism will sound like a technique to highlight your flaws when instead all iy does is highlight their own insecurities and the green eyed monster on display. If you have failed at a task instead of encouraging you or offering alternative solutions to support you, they will only belittle your ability to do it entirely if not at all.
2. They are never impressed by you achievements
A personal example: As a single parent with minimal support from family: I have always been painted as the scapegoat. However, during a very trying time for most of the world in 2020. I managed to secure just shy of a acre in another country entirely on my own merit. During this time, my mother a covert narcissist spent most of the tie when talking about me negatively not actively telling family what I had achieved. When I managed to explain my achievement to family members whom whom has fallen on financial hard times, which I knew to well over 18 years along with some family members who did not own homes outright, I was stricken with questions about, when I was going to complete a home there, why I did it and facial expressions of pure distain and jealously along with negative comments to sway me."
Considering I had spent the majority of my young life under the assumption I maintained a lifestyle of social support, these members were now struggling to pay for mortgages, or living in the same subsequent living conditions based on medical grounds they use to look down on at me for supposedly living.
See the thing is, the dismissal of my achievements were counter acted by their own previous achievements or time scales on me not being able to accomplish my own unless helped or supported. Now we go down the narcissistic rabbit hole but that is for another post. The point is the achievement was overlapped or classed as ordinary.
3. They avoid You whenever Possible
You will see how they avoid you when something positive happens in your life, or something is lacking in theirs, that you may have or they may feel you have. They are either visibly upset or there facial expressions or slight non direct comments with a hint of reproach will say it all.
Sometimes it may not be because of ill will. Some people can not control their lack of confidence or lack of abhorrence they have going on in their own lives. Try showing compassion and understanding with them, and heir avoidance with you as long as your are not ignorant will become easily apparent which make them upset or internalise.
4. Picking Fights for No Reason with You
If they are internalising their jealously towards you, this might come out in fights.
I remember all too well a family member comparing their achievements to my own, basing this on age and their ability to complete tasks without the failure I had faced.
PS: READER: Without Failure you never learn - SO DONT EVR LET THAST STOP YOU!!!
You might not even understand with their anger or outburst comes from at first, its a way for them to vent out their frustrations through petty or even sometimes very hurtful and disrespectful comments. The inability to directly express their resentment to you wanting to improve in life will burst out.
Even if you try to give them good advice regarding anything going on with them, they will in turn hate you for it. No doubt feeling your good intentions are coming from a place of superiority or pride as a winner.
5. Seeing them or talking with them makes you feel bad about yourself
Seeing your relatives should make you feel good and loved. If you always leave a family gathering feeling worse about yourself than you did when you arrived, this is a sign that something is definitely wrong.
The Real reasons behind Jealously? "My personal account and the understanding
Sometimes, your attainments might make a family member upset, especially when you have always been deemed the lower standards or outcast or even scapegoat of the family. For my accounts during hard times in my life, I reached out to a few family members who were kind enough to help me, who I thanked and down to this day would never say they never helped me in some kind of way. However, as humans there is always a sense of control and superiority in ones on self convictions.
Some have control over it by being supportive but behind that curtain, others can self loathe and lack confidence.
How I dealt with it?
Limit who you tell the good news, if you fail in your plans, which I eventually did as I told those who did not wish what was best for e along with other personal contributions. Wipe the slate clean start over, and don't mention your plans , goals or achievements in future. That way no one knows if your fail, their are no negative contributions or comments towards your life and no eyes of envy, enabling you mental peace and freedom.
For more way on how to deal with Jealous & Toxic family members (Read More)...