The dysfunctional family operates like a cult, for those of you that are waking up to the fact
that you have systematically and chronically Been Scapegoated by your family of origin.
This analysis will help you understand.
Why this type of family is Governed
Its own set of "Rules".
I suggest you take a moment after reading each rule to ask yourself!
Has this happened to me?
Is this happening to me?
1.You must earn the right to be Loved
It has been researched a typical adult survivor believe, that something may be wrong with them for their family to treat them in such a manner. They tend to fathom, by asking internal questions such as," If I change, my family will change how they see me, perceive me and respect me. However, often adult survivors of these family dynamic are still trying to adjust and fix whatever their family deems wrong with then to be excepted by their family.
2. Do not challenge the narcissistic parent & their their reality view of you
Scapegoats who find themselves in these situations, are accustomed to "Closed systems", one where any information which may hurt the narcissistic home status and life status could be changed.
3. You MUST NOT DEFEND the UNJUST BEHAVIOURS
The scapegoated child or adult can be punished in numerous ways, when they attempt to defend themselves. Punishment can range to numerous things, positions of isolation perfectly manipulated and coerced in directly from the narcissistic smear campaigns. along with shunning or mis information interpreted by other families and narcissists friends.
4. You must submit to the family view of you & their reality
The scapegoat typically learns to adapt and take on the family negative narrative imposed on them, learning to adapt to that environment and survive.
5. You MUST carry intergenerational trauma "Toxic Shame"
Usually than not it is the empath child / adult that absorbs the dynamic of this family unit. That is recognised via a projective identification process- many will compare it in later life to a imposter syndrome amongst the family. When this is done at a young age a attuned and emotionally sensitive child will internalise projection vi way of verbal or emotional attachments in comments said by their narcissistic parent. In turn the child ends up having a overall sense they are defective or something is definitely wrong with them.
6. You MUST not share your "Truth"
When you speak the truth you threaten the family narrative of you. This includes you contesting any false stories about you told by the narcissist of their flying monkeys. As the family scapegoat, one tends to find when they attempt to defend themselves telling the truth they are met with hostility. Scapegoats also find accounts told in their view point to be a lie, or they may be categorised as crazy.
7. You must hide your feelings
Especially if your feelings are perceived as negative
In acknowledging your feeling the narcissistic parent, would have to acknowledge their treatment of you emotionally.
This would be extremely hard as the narcissistic narrative of the perfect parent always must take precedence of this.
What are always ask is? If a scapegoat controlled child is overtly a extension of this parent, why do the flying monkeys never think. Something doesn't add up.
I think I will leave that for another post and video.
8. YOU MUST TOLERATE POOR TREATMENT
This usually is consisting of the following-
LIES, FABRICATIONS, GOSSIP, NEGATIVE PROJECTION, & HUMILATION. TRIANGULATIONS, SMEAR CAMPAIGNS and NEGATIVE NARRATIVES throughout their life.
9. YOU MUST DENY PAINFUL EVENTS
You may have spent years not knowing, questioning trying to figure out why you have been treated differently. Or even in my case at times asking my narcissistic mother why she could say things about be or paint this false narrative that simply is not true.
Narcissists will usually gaslight, or in these dysfunctional dynamics, you are told yo forget or that's is in the past, which tends to start from young, so you taught that your feelings and painful life memories should either be buried or forgotten or didn't matter. As you feel they are invalidated by the dysfunctional families' response in hearing them.
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