It dawned on me after hitting 35, I was not where I wanted to be in life.
I felt unfulfilled had descended down a rabbit hold, I am slowing climbing out of.
But after reading posts and researching how many feel in their 30's, whether they are turning 30 or hitting a brick wall- or as some like to say a Midlife crisis. Or for others doing just fine and happy with their accomplishments and life achievements.
It seems there are a few important lessons, that really hit to the core that are particularly relevant to this decade of your life.
Below are 10 of some of the most common life lessons appearing.
1. START TAKING CARE OF YOUR HEALTH NOW, NOT LATER
We all know to eat better and sleep better and exercise more and everything in between.
The feedback from research suggests those who were slightly older, were loud and unanimous: GET HEALTHY & STAY HEALTHY NOW.
Their points were pretty much all the same: the way you treat your body has a huge effect; it’s not that your body suddenly breaks down one year, it’s been breaking down all along without you noticing. This is the decade to slow down that breakage.
These were feelings from cancer survivors, heart attack survivors, stroke survivors, people with diabetes and blood pressure problems, joint issues and chronic pain.
Including my own health problems that occurred in a long line of years of not taking care of my health. We all agreed on the same thing: “If I could go back, I would start eating better and exercising and I would not stop."
I made excuses then. But I had no idea. now with high blood pressure and more responsibilities that ever before now is the time for us to take better care of the one body we have.
2. START SAVING FOR RETIREMENT NOW, NOT LATER
Well personal growth and freedom, wont come in retirement if you don't start saving that's for sure. See when your in your 20's not all are thinking 30's and 40's is around the corner, I myself thought I had time.
Till it dawned on me walking up the stairs with one leg bone talking to the other, laughing amongst themselves saying if she feels this jacked up hearing us out, we better get the balling rolling to 'fuck her up if she not taking care of herself now.!"
SAVINGS! SAVINGS SAVINGS SAVINGS
Retirement, is time when most people endure the fruits of their hard earned labour when they were able to go out in the workforce and put a spin on career progression and additional jobs or side hustles. However, due to the increased cost of living many are finding that they themselves have to come out of retirement.
Gone are the Days where all the Baby Boomers, Millennials, have the option who did not make sensible financial decisions when they were able to to dictate what they can and can't do financially. (P.S- To any Gen Z- we are not leaving you out, however, the economic wheels and social dynamics along with flexibility on a year of 5- 10 makes a difference on my findings).
Nether less. Start getting your financial treasure chest in order and to start saving for retirement… today.
There were a few categories this advice fell into:
Make it your top priority to pay down all of your debts as soon as possible. Myself included..
Keep an “emergency fund” — there were tons of horror stories about people getting financially ruined by health issues, divorces, bad business deals, r even natural disasters. etc.
Stash away a portion of every pay check. In the UK most employers will pay along with your own earning into your pension fund. In the USA this will be into a 401k, an IRA or at the least get a savings account.
Don’t spend frivolously. Don’t buy a home unless you can afford to get a good mortgage with good rates. Don't opt for a luxury Car, that's the cost of a down payment for a home. We are no longer in our 20's - I remember seeing loads of people do this, many who have no financially security now.
Don’t invest in anything you don’t understand. - Research First.
If it means starting in your early 30's or mid 30's- because you haven't saved before.
Fine - The main thing is to Start
The point was clear: save early and save as much as possible. One woman had worked low-wage jobs with two children in her 30s and still managed to put away some money in a retirement fund each year. Because she started and invested in future wisely, she is now in her 50s and financially stable for the first time in her life. Her point (and mine): it’s always possible. You just have to do it.
3. FOCUS ON DOING A FEW THINGS REALLY WELL
In our 20s we have a lot of dreams. Well, I speak for myself when I say I did. Was it a singer, no wait I believe it was Housewives of Atlanta-- Oh in youth.. I had no sense in my early 20's lets put it that way. Cue the violins with the broken strings I say.
No seriously, I wanted to be a writer a content creator, expressing my thoughts on things that were close to my heart and that affected me that I could talk about. seriously,
We all tend to have this no time scale in our 20's - that we have all of the time in the world.
Little did I know that it took the better part of a decade to even get competent at this, wait I think I'm still navigating my way through.
“I would tell myself to focus on one or two goals/aspirations/dreams and really work towards them. Don’t get distracted.”
“You have to accept that you cannot do everything. It takes a lot of sacrifice to achieve anything special in life.”
Some people choose their careers in their late teens or early 20s, and as with many choices at those ages, can be often wrong choices. It takes years to figure out what we’re good at and what we enjoy doing. But it’s better to focus on our primary strengths and maximize them over the course of a lifetime than to half-ass something else.
Identify natural strengths and passions then build a life around those.
For some people, this will mean taking big risks, even in their 30s and beyond. It may mean ditching a career they spent a decade building and giving up money they worked hard for and became accustomed to. Which brings us to…
4. DON’T BE AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS: You have the right to change your mind
While by age 30 + most feel they should have their career it is never too late to reset. The individuals that have the biggest regrets during this decade are those that stay in something that they know is not right.
It is such an easy decade to have the days turn to weeks to years, only to wake up at 40 with a mid-life crisis for not taking action on doing the things you really wanted to do, a problem I myself was aware of 10 years prior but failed to act on. Well now a time for change.
You do not have to conform your life to an ideal that you do not believe in. Live your life, don’t let it live you. Don’t be afraid of tearing it all down if you have to, you have the power to build it all back up again.“
I wish I had been willing to think outside the box a bit more, and not have a very narrow in our thinking and our lifestyles. I have to confess dear reader, my Fear was and at times a detrimental driving force in my life whilst in my 30's. Thinking that I might fail. Wondering what the outcome might be. But I would rather take the risk, than not take one at all.
5. YOU MUST CONTINUE: TO GROW AND DEVELOP YOURSELF
You see we have two assets that we can not get back once you’ve lost them: your body and your mind. Most people stop growing and working on themselves, they are simply too busy to worry about self-improvement. However, continuing to evolve their way thinking and take care of their mental and physical health, will be greater for you in your 40's.
You can still change in your 30s and beyond. You should continue to change, one must continue to work to improve and grow. Many are going back to education changing a career , some take school and getting their degrees in their 30s. There are those who are taking extra courses to get a leg up on the career they are already in.
Like myself, some are finally Others starting a business they may have been putting off or dreamt of pursuing but were afraid. Whilst others checked themselves into therapy or began a meditation practice. (Next on my to do list)
As Warren Buffett once said, " But what you learn once stays with you forever.
My journey is helping me work on being a better friend, mother and most importantly a better person to myself.
6. RESPECT YOURSELF & BE KIND TO YOURSELF
Maya Angelou
"Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humour to lighten the burden of your tender heart.”
First I will start with : Why is it difficult to be kind towards yourself?
It’s only difficult when the opposing mind is present on some level. The opposing mind is self hatred/self loathing. If self hatred or self loathing (ingrained long term self hatred) is present it is hard to be kind to yourself.
There are then 2 options:
Explore inside, find the self loathing, sit with it and accept it to melt it away the self loathing.
Or
Practice the intent of being kind to yourself. Gradually the self loathing will be released.
At first it might not seem to be having any effect. That’s because it can take time to thaw out the heart, for it go from cold to warm in relation to self. I discovered the above for myself when the question arose after doing loving kindness meditation for a long time towards ‘all living beings.’ Now I am learning to break those unhealthy pattern, the unhealthy part of me that I am actively working on is Codependency.
What does it mean to be kind to oneself according to me ?
Our body is as precious as our soul. We need it be hale and healthy on a long term basis. So exercise daily, have healthy eating habits.
Don’t take any shit from others. No one can be precious to you as you are to you. If you really mean something to someone. They will never let you down. Just walk out with respect and dignity because they don’t deserve you. Sometimes you have to tame your bad habits too. But yes on long term basis you are doing something good to yourself.
Set goals where you can and work hard (by maintaining good health ) with your full body and soul. And do what you love.
Oh and by the way: It’s Ok to take a nap and dream happily.
