At one point or another, most of us have or will be in a situation where you just can’t seem to detach yourself from someone you love. Especially, if you have left a traumatic or emotional unstable relationship.
When you know the other person does not feel the same or even have any emotional attachment from you, as moved on quickly, or is being a absolute s###, and choosing to post it on social media to even devalue your even more.
As upsetting what are you going to do, are you going to wollow in self pity for years, well yep, some do. I hold my hand up and say it took me almost 6 months to emotional attach to the physical connection of loving a narcissist to the emotional disconnection and repair which took me another 2.5 years to heal from.
WOW! That long you may ask, yep it is, and I'm still on my healing journey.
Yet, you can’t make that final break from your one-sided love. Love isn’t fair, and it’s rarely the stuff of fairytales. Unfortunately, love really is often not enough, particularly when only one side of the equation is actually in love. Learn how to detach so that you can move on to brighter days.
The good news is that you can speed up the healing process from unreciprocated love by learning how to detach yourself from the person that’s unwilling or unable to love you back.
1. Don’t Subject Yourself To Unnecessary Pain
Only you can protect your feelings. Don’t put yourself in situations that escalate the pain you feel over your one-sided attraction.
So looking back at small images and pictures of good times, which may in fact have not been genuine, will only open your mind up to wonder and question memories, this can be extremely detrimental. Doing this can open up unnecessary doors where emotional rollercoasters, can spiral out of control where replay of arguments, and negative toxic moments can narrow through the forefront of your mind quite easily. (Remember Detachments is one step forward to healing, its the one part of healing that always has to be referred back to, no matter what stage your at. )
Protect your emotions and feelings by setting firm parameters in your mentally compartments and physical reminders.
2. Compartmentalise
Denial isn’t healthy for the psyche, it certainly wont do anything for your affirmations if you have started them, as you will subconsciously be putting out into the universe what your really feeling. However, admitting the feelings exist and finding an appropriate place for them can help some people.
So can talking to a professional:
Dividing up your subconscious mind helps initiate positive mental residence.
I personally have read 3 books for this process, to help you learn to Let Go, Leave the past Behind & :
"The Magic of Detachment: How to Let Go of Other People and Their Problems" - Click to Read More
- Click to Read More
This goes back to number one on our list; you’ll need to set up the definition and parameters of the relationship in your mind and compartmentalize feelings that aren’t congruent with that elsewhere. Separating what you have from what you want allows you to eventually put the compartmentalized aspects out to sea for good.
"Start Where You Are: How God Meets You in Your Mess, Loves You through It, and Leads You Out of It"
It is important to set up the definition and parameters in your mind and compartmentalize feelings that aren’t congruent with that elsewhere. Separating what you have from what you want, that simple can no longer be - allows you to eventually put the compartmentalized aspects out to sea for good.
3. Put It In Writing
Just as memory is improved by writing things out, writing can help you better articulate the anger, sadness, and disappointment that you may not be able to voice aloud. It also forces you to confront what you’re feeling when it’s in black and white in front of you.
There are plenty of journals for this that can be found here are a few :
4. Allow Yourself To Finish The Grief Process
From denial to anger all the way to acceptance, there’s a process for grief. Lets be real upfront, if the love truly was or is a one-way-street, then you’re grieving a loss and what could’ve been. Not all people will hit every stage of grief, but it’s important to allow yourself to feel whatever, whenever you feel so that you can move on to acceptance.
By not accepting grief, and compressing he feelings, this can lead to a number of future problems in different aspects in your life, that you just dont need in order to move forward.
5. Embrace the Lessons that were learnt for your own progression from The Relationship For What It Is
When you embrace it was and are able to remember to refer back to your compartmentalising, you are able to separate the positive for the bad, and remind yourself to remember the relationship for what it is Now, currently in the present.
6. Find New Hobbies & Things to Do for you - Self Love is Important - Relax & Dissolve
You can also expand your activities that have nothing to do with the person - find a new hobby, volunteer your time, or enroll in educational classes. The point is to get lost in something other than the person you’re pinning over.
7. Rely On A Support System
Talk to someone. If the emotions become too much of a burden to shoulder alone and in silence, then open up to a trusted friend. There are even apps that enable you to meet up with other women who are going through similar things as you, whether that be a New Mom going through this situation or a break up, that you might be able to vent to.
They may have invaluable advice, or they may just give you the support and reassurance you need to move past your unrequited love.
8. Keep Contact To A Minimal
Unless you are coparenting, or are in the middle of having to keep contact due to financial legalities, try to keep contact to a minimal to avoid, open wounds to worsen.
You ned to protect yourself as much as possible to start excepting what is and enable yourself to pick yourself up and ov on. You simply cant do that if your still having to open the door, but insist on having a full course meal with someone who dont want to eat with you.
9. Open Yourself Up To Love Elsewhere
Now I could start by saying open yourself up to the idea of love again.
Yes this is more then possible, lets admit LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL.
But first lets not jump the gun on that one, and first start with remembering to turn our focus back on learning to relove You.
But, How can I love me? I'm totally in LOVE with this person that doesn't want me, or doesn't treat me right, I know I should but I feel for this person and...
STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP.
Being HAMPSTER on a wheel is cute, but only for so long, can you love someone for a long time at the detriment for you? Can you hold n to love that's not reciprocated, and block yourself from healing and finding someone who will LOVE YOU BACK?
These are the questions you should be asking yourself, when I state learning to LOVE YOU.
10. Give YOURSELF Closure
Now this maybe all said and done, when the person you love is able to explain it, even thoughthe blow of hearing this will do little for the stabbing pains in your heart.
But , how will you handle it from someone you know you have left?
What happens if you know they just wont give you closure?
If you expecting closure from a narcassist, Im sure your well aware, that yu be waiting a steady death for that. The only closure you will get will be a imaginary closure, with them making sure to leave empty wounds open, like a plane field, ready for when they are ready to come and land with their hoovering techinques, before the another fatal crash.
Well, how do I get Closure?
GIVE IT TO YOURSELF.
You compartmentalised your emotions from the good and the bad , and accepted why the relationship is where its at?
You focussed on identifying that you need to detach by reading the first 3 steps of this article, let alone trying to implement it. You ensure you are going to grief and give yourself time to grief and except what you cant change.
You Start focusing on keeping busy, hobbies, friends and making sure you have a support system if you don't at least keeping yourself preoccupied with things that make you happy.
Remember to Keep contact to a minimum.
So I ask you, with the above in Short- What benefits will you get from wanting closure from a one sided Love, that your clearly identified, or you wouldn't have been patient enough to read this article?
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN ONE SIDED AFFECTION IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO TRY :