All to well, we often look for compassion and empathy given to us emotionally via others, but the problem with this is when we our by ourselves, how can we restore that counter balance within our own self worth and in turn impact on our confidence successfully.
WE NEED TO BE NICER TO OURSLEVES
What is Self-Compassion Really About?
When we feel compassion for others, we feel kindness toward them, empathy, and a desire to help reduce their suffering.
It’s the same when you are compassionate toward yourself. Self-compassion creates a caring space within you that is free of judgment—a place that sees your hurt and your failures and softens to allow those experiences with kindness and caring.
And yet, with all of the wonderful things that come along with being kind to ourselves, we find it hard to actually feel it.
Why? Why are we so lacking in self-compassion?
4 Beliefs about Self-Compassion
The deficiency in self-compassion is likely brought about by these four untrue thoughts:
1. First Self Affirmations : "I’m self-compassionate, to the Woman with me"
That’s what my inner voice wanted me to believe during the workshop exercise.
But I’ve learned something important that helps me with that little critic—the difference between self-indulgence and self-compassion.
Self-compassion involves your health and well-being. Self-indulgence is about getting anything and everything you want without thoughts of well-being.
Self-compassion is about becoming aware of and sitting with your pain. Self-indulgence numbs and denies your pain.
2. Positive Self Reflection is key to my Success.
Somewhere, deep down, you and I might actually believe that we need that inner critic to keep us motivated in life; that without it, we too easily stray outside the lines.
And it’s also possible that the critic evolved to help keep us safe from harm.
But guess what? We don’t need it anymore. Being compassionate with ourselves allows for a much healthier, kinder motivation.
3. It’s selfish for me to be compassionate toward myself.
Many people, women especially, are taught to put others ahead of themselves. Self-compassion can seem like the opposite of what you “should” be doing: taking care of others.
But how will beating yourself up help you be kinder to others? The source of our compassion will only be more authentic when we are able to show compassion to ourselves first.
4. Self-compassion is a strength.
Cry, if you need to, journal how your feeling, your goals, failures, fears and desires.
Our society tends to reward toughing things out more than it does being kind and nurturing. I say screw that, it takes more strength to battle through the odds and come out stronger than never except and face through ones struggles.
Remember, the strongest people are also the ones who can buck cultural and society norms and feel genuine compassion for themselves and their circumstances.
Ideas to Create Compassion for Yourself
5. Be kind to yourself
The best way to think about being kind to yourself is to think about a friend.
Go ahead. Do it now. Visualize your best friend.
Now imagine she comes to you and says she is hurting because she was passed over for that promotion at work that she’s wanted for so long.
Would you say to her, “Well, it’s probably because you didn’t work hard enough. And you’re too mousy. You should have spoken up about wanting a promotion a long time ago.”
What? You wouldn’t say that to a friend? Would you say it to yourself?
It’s more likely that you would hug your friend and say, “Oh no! That’s terrible. I know how long you’ve been hoping to get that promotion. Come on, let’s go get some coffee and talk about it?”
You can be kind to yourself in this way, too. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who is suffering.
Just as you would hug your friend, soothe yourself as well. Put your hands over your heart or locate the spot in your body where your hurt is hiding and gently place both hands there.
Speak kindly to yourself. Call yourself by an endearing name.
“Oh, honey. I’m hurting because I wanted that promotion so badly. This is a really hard place to be in right now.”
6. Embrace your common humanity
Many times when you criticize or judge yourself, you feel isolated. It seems as though you are the only one in the world who has that particular flaw.
And yet, we are all imperfect, we all suffer.
One of the wonderful outcomes of self-compassion is our enhanced sense of belonging, the feeling that we are all in this together.
The next time you are looking in the mirror and not liking what you see, remember that you are an integral part of a flawed, wonderful.
7. Be mindful
How will you know that you are suffering if you are repressing your pain, rationalizing it, or busy with problem-solving?
You must allow awareness of your pain to enter in. Being mindful is about noticing what is happening in the moment and having no judgment about it.
Notice your hurt and just be with it, compassionately and with kindness.
And note that trying to make pain go away with self-compassion is just another way to repress pain and hurt. Self-compassion is about being with your suffering in a kind, loving way, not about making suffering disappear.
We will always have pain. But Suffering = Pain x Resistance. The more you resist your pain, perhaps by trying to make it go away, the more suffering you will experience.
8. Always forgive yourself
Learn to tolerate and except your mistakes as hard as it may seem. Make a choice to let go, not of the responsibility or the memories, but of the barrage or guilt or shame. Understand that without healing their can be no growth. From the growth of healing and learning to forgive yourself, you will become wiser in future choices and decisions, as you have gone down that road before. Remember that forgiveness of oneself is good for your mental health.
My personal experience on learning : Forgiveness & Meditation allows to except the pain without resistance, and let go.
“Soften, soothe, allow.” It combines all the above components listed above to help generate self-compassion.
After thinking about a difficulty focussing on how to find the place in our bodies that held our problem and then place our hands on it. I placed both of my hands gently over my heart.
Then, we were encouraged just to be with our pain—not try to rid ourselves of it—and allow kindness and compassion to surround it.
After I sat meditating on something I have always considered to be a character flaw, tears arose under my closed eyelids and soon splashed down my face.
It was the first time I had ever felt kindness for myself about this very raw area rather than listening to my inner critic. The pain I felt was actually okay when held in this compassionate space, I didn't need to be ashamed any longer.
The soft waves of compassion surrounding my heart had healed me of my shame, guilt and memories, which will now be my battle scars. I hope you to can find solace in my words, and work towards your journey of self Compassion.
IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO PROFESSIONALLY I WOULD RECOMMEND:
